A Few Reasons To Believe The World May End On May 21, 2011 – And How You Can See The Silver Lining At The End Of The Apocalypse

Just A Few Thoughts…

(1) We have now entered The Final Countdown…toward Oprah Winfrey’s last show! Specifically, her show ends on Wednesday, May 25, 2011. Now let me be perfectly clear: The dude who came up with this prediction (I’m omitting his name to protect the ignorant, but you can Google it on your own, if you want) was perfectly clear that The Rapture would START on the 21st. As you should be well aware (from watching both the Star Wars and Lord of the Rings series of films), epic battles between Good and Evil can last for DAYS. In this case, I am predicting about four days. The World Will End When Oprah Winfrey Shuts Off Her Mic On Wednesday, May 25, 2001 At Approximately 5:01pm EST. Be Prepared. Because if Oprah has to go…she is taking ALL of us with her!!

 

(2) Very few friends of mine will be able to eat in the next few years once their Student Loans come due. The Rapture taking place this weekend would serve two purposes in this regard: to save us from having to face starvation and homelessness as a result of our decision to become Educated People, and to completely screw Sallie Mae and all of the other lenders…and especially the CFOs who head them. And the U.S. Government as well. EDUCATION…SHOULD BE FREE!!

(3) I can’t take another season of The Bachelorette, American Idol, Real Housewives of Wherever, or one of the many Reality TV shows dedicated to promoting and reifying every messed up stereotype that has ever been created about any type of human being in existence. Hell would be better than having to endure another season of one of these shows. [Not that I’m planning on going there…just pointing out a perk for those of you who will!]

(4) No one will have to endure the 2012 Presidential Campaign & Election. ‘Nuff Said.

(5) I’d like the World to end before all of the Law & Orders are off the air. Because when that happens, my world will be ending, OK?!?

(6) Who shot JFK?!? Did we *really* go to the Moon?!? Did OJ do it?!? Was AIDS created by the US Government?!? Is Sarah Palin from this PLANET?!? Can you tell me, in 10 words or less, EXACTLY how to get to Sesame Street? Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?!? How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?!? <— Methinks that all of these questions – and many more – will be answered at some point during The Rapture.

^^ How The Hell Do You Get There?!?^^

(7) No one needs to be traumatized by the realization that Justin Bieber never ages. I’m not sure we’re quite “there” yet with Android Acceptance.

(8) The wealthiest 2% will be forced to fit a camel through the eye of a needle as their price for getting into heaven. The rest of us will get to watch as these assholes attempt to renegotiate their contracts with Satan instead. Fun will be had by ALL.

(9) I’d like to taste Manna from Heaven. I’m hoping that some of that falls before it’s all said and done, because I have been wondering what that stuff tastes like for YEARS!!

(10) Finally: I cannot WAIT until God finally reveals herself to be a Black Woman!! That’s going to be the Game Ender right there!! #f*cksatoshikanazawa

Happy End Of Days, Y’all!! Be Good To Yourselves And Others…Today, And Until The End Of Time!!

And Lastly…

#grin&bareit

 

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1 Comment

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One response to “A Few Reasons To Believe The World May End On May 21, 2011 – And How You Can See The Silver Lining At The End Of The Apocalypse

  1. This was hilarious, Grin. Great stuff!

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